The Blues

Whenever I tell people that I like the Blues (italicized so you know how you have to say it, the Bluuues) they usually don't believe me. I can't really blame them. If somebody told me they liked the Blues I'd think they were full of shit. It sounds like one of those stupid pithy things you drop in conversations to give the appearance that you posses depth and character. Even people who have known me for a while probably think I'm full of it. And why wouldn't they?

Why would anyone go out of their way to listen to the blues? Even Blues singers don't seem to enjoy the Blues. The music just seems so... dark, melancholic, brooding even. But this is a common misconception. The Blues are about what you do to get over your angst, not about revelling in it. Your woman done you wrong, so you shoot her. Your landlord kicked you out so you go drinking. Your woman landlord kicked you out and done you wrong so, well obviously, you go drinking and later shoot her. See the Blues represent a problem solving tool. Just one path to a conclusion.

Rock- She wronged you, a while ago. Like a long time ago and it was the summer or during high school or you have to get back to college, so you wrote this song.
Rap- She wronged you, but you don't need her anyways. Plenty of women in line, unless she was "theone", in that case, you are very sorry.
Country- She wronged you, your truck wronged you, your dog has wronged you, but thank god your an American.
Pop- She/He/They wronged you, but you're doing good and they aren't so dance or something.
Classical- You are a well adjusted individual, enjoy that issue of The New Yorker and your glass of wine.

What are you gonna do? Bah dum ba dum. Get out your gun. Bah dum ba dum.


P.S. Doesn't seem like "Theone" should be a word? When we say it like that everyone knows what we're talking about right?

The Stupid Things People Say

I fucking hate this job. Not only does it suck but some of the people in my building are starting to really get on my nerves.

I think a lot of people know about the break up. Nobody comes out and says it they just ask how my weekend or day was, alot. What a fucking annoying question. Terrible I want to say, but that's pretty emo. I'll never get over this. It will sit like a chip on my shoulder. For a year I bet. How much money is your 23 year worth, if you could sell it I mean, to an old person. A lot I bet. 

This is all worthless. A writer asked me today if I at least do any drugs, I said no because I don't. He recommended it. Seems pretty expensive I said. He said it wasn't too expensive. I make $9 an hour I mentioned. That shut him up.

I want to say that I was blindsided, but I don't think I was. It was fair, I should have seen it coming. I'm just disappointed I can't stop thinking about it.

Meh

Hey. I'm at work, killing myself. Soooo bored.

The Barista has Moved

I moved the Barista to thebaristacomic.blogspot.com.

Updates

I'm going to try and update the comic every thursday. Is that too slow? I don't think a lot of people are readying it anyways so it should be fine.

Episode 2

The Webcomic

So below is my first stab at webcomictry. The characters are loosely based on a couple of people I know. The action is kinda stiff but it will loosen up as I become more familiar with paint.net.

Webcomic: The Barista

Pineapple Express

So I saw "Pineapple Express" last night at one of those free previews where you have to show up early and wait in a super long line. (Note to Promoters; Some lines need Febreeze more than others.) It was pretty good if I had to rank Seth Rogen and Evan Goldburg's movies it would go; Superbad, Pineapple Express. This always happens with second movies let us not forget the Club Dread debackle. Is it their fault or ours for getting too excited about these things? Don't get me wrong, the movie was funny but it was like maybe I did'nt get all the jokes if I wasn't um.. high.

In other news, where the fuck was Nickelodeon hiding "Avatar; The Last Airbender" ? This show is actually funny and interesting and I would'nt have known it unless a coworker had mentioned it. It's kind of Invader Zimmy mixed with Exalted (that roleplaying game nobody seems to want to play despite the fact that is good) oh and Legend of the Five Rings is thrown in their too. It's like a weird american anime.

Venture Bros. has been back for a while, crushing my soul with it's excellence. It's just too good. My friend Brad has stopped watching for fear he will be unduly effected by the brilliance. But I still watch them... several times... a day.

Speaking of Brad, he finally got his cartoon up on youtube. Dean, you should watch it and rate it.
http://www.youtube.com/user/ExtraSpecialOps. My favorite is probably the Deer Hunter.

No Title Needed

Doesn't " No Title Needed" sound like a kick ass band name? Like you could have the brooding front man and a female guitarist just to fuck with peoples minds. Anyway, I got my Internet working again, the solution; moving my desk closer to the signal.

This Just In...

Amy Winehouse is still bat-shit insane. By now you (read Dean) are probably tired of hearing about Amy Winehouse. Oooh she made her money because of a song about not going to rehab and she had to go to rehab because she used all that money to buy cocaine to snort in between Vodka shots (that's right she snorts Vodka) the irony ohhh the irony! Personally I think she is a genius. She is the human incarnation of rock, a Rock-Kali if you will. Hmm what's this? An Amy Winehouse to-do list;

1) Rise to power with oldies sound and beehive hairdo. CHECK

2) Get tits for tattoos. CHECK

3) Go to rehab despite song lyrics/metaphorically punch Alanis Morissette. CHECK

4) Infect world with my Zombie curse.

The point is we love our rock stars; spiteful, drugged out of their gourds and undead. Just look at Keith Richards.

Your Favorite Movie and You

I think peoples favorite movie says a lot about them. Par example (Three years of High School French finally pay off);

Your Favorite Movie- Anything involving Quentin Tarantino

What This Says About You- You try too hard to be cool, like Quentin Tarantino. Yes we all thought Pulp Fiction was really bad ass, but if this or Reservoir Dogs, or Kill Bill, or etc is your favorite movie then you are trying too hard. The main character(s) in all these movies are tough guys and girls who spray bullets like some sort of spraying analogy, and by telling people that this is your favorite movie you are trying to communicate that you are a bad-ass who knows Karate or some other made up bullshit, but we all know you are a pasty nerd with a fake samurai sword, like Quentin Tarantino.

I guess I thought I'd have more favorite movies to rant about but I don't. But how about this, if we all pretended that Britney Spears didn't exist would she cease to be?

What is up with Dreams

Last night was not one of my weirdest or most vivid dreams but it definitely had one of the clearest messages.

I was at a family party with my mom, step-dad, a few other people and my dad, except in this dream the my dad looked like a mixture of him and Michael McDonald (Stewart from MAD TV). Anyways the party was going as awkwardly as possible when my dad tries to give me a $20 bill. When I refuse he gets really insistent that I take the money, like creepy insistent. I ask him what the $20 is for and he tells me "It's to make women like you". And completely rationally I punch him in the face.

Do I want to punch my dad in the face? Do we all secretly want to punch our fathers in the face? Do I want to punch Michael McDonald in the face? I think we all secretly crave punching our fathers just to stick it to them for all the times they were late picking us up from soccer practice or because that one Christmas they didn't understand the difference between Red Pokemon and Blue Pokemon (and yes  I know the distinction becomes irrelevant in later editions as there are now magically more than 151 Pokemon, what a fucking ripoff). Also, twenty-fucking-dollars? Does my dad assume that I have a time machine and can go back to the Depression for some of that dust bowl rutting? (BTW Any money taken back in time now would be laughed at because it is obviously fake, what with it's more than two colors and bizarrely large portraits). 

Would you punch your father in the face if you had the chance?

Diamonds are Forever

Okay what the fuck is up with this movie? Diamonds Are Forever is the most bizzare James Bond film ever (this includes the first Casino Royal [err second one with Woody Allen] AND Moonraker).

1) Mr. (Albert) Wint and Mr. (Charles) Kidd (Bruce Glover [a.k.a father of Crispin Glover]and Putter Smith respectivly)

Perhaps the first ever gay evil henchmen, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are just bizzare (not that there is anything wrong with being a gay henchman, but they arent like normal gay, they are wierd gay). The whole movie they only quote parables and hold hands. When it comes to killing they do a pretty good job I guess, if you count fucking up as a good job which apparently Blofeld does. True it is not definite if they are gay but Wikipedia says "it is strongly implied that they are homosexual lovers". Also in the novel Felix Leiter suspects that both are homosexual. I know it seems like Im harping on their gayness but wait.

2). Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Played by Charles Gray)
Okay, yes I like Charles Gray in the Rocky Horror Picture Show but but he doesnt need to be in drag in every movie he is in! Also this Blofeld seems like a total rip off of Dr. Evil (yes I know about your "linear time", I just don't care. THE SPICE MUST FLOW!).

Second what the fuck is up with Blofeld's plan. Step one; continue to smuggle diamonds. Step Two; kidnap and replace worlds wealthiest recluse. Step three; build satalite space laser to hold world ransom. Why? Your not getting enough money with the diamond smuyggling and giant corporations? Iguess this is the problem with supervillany, idiocy.

3)Bambi and Thumper (Trina Parks and Lola Larson)

These bikini clad henwomen only appear for one

scene. Why? That in its self is strange, why couldnt we see more of them? Also what a lame name combo. What? Was Ebony and Ivory taken?

Okay thats enough, all in all its not a bad movie, but Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are just so damn wierd. Spell Check is broken I'll fix it later.

Why/How Could This Happen

Today I woke up at about 7am, not to early, and I walked into the kitchen. I went over to the trashcan, it's the type with the foot lever to open the lid, I pushed on the lever and opened the trashcan. I then proceeded to to pull my boxers down and urinate in the trashcan. What the fuck brain? I caught myself and stopped but then I had to take out the garbage and clean the trashcan.

But here's whats really weird, why did I pull my boxers down? I always go through the gate never over the fence. Deep down do I want to go over the fence like a special-ed kid/retard in a McDonalds? This brings me to one of my fears; What if I am Retarded and everyone I know is just humoring me?

Like a sick version of the Truman Show, everybody I come in contact with has been prompted on how to act around me. Think about how you really act around the mentally disabled, nobody really comes out and calls them retarded to their face. Either you act like they don't exist (this doesn't always work when they bombard you with facts about their friends dog) or you act super nice to them and pray to God you don't have re-res for children/neighbors. Could bosses, teachers and landlords be coerced by somebody, most likely my mother, into hiring, passing and renting to me respectively? Absolutely. In America today you can't throw a tomahawk without seven different people suing you, if you did something like say, (finger quotes) didn't hire a skilled retard applicant, than you can kiss your Dairy Queen franchise good bye. Whats really re-re is my use of the comma in this blog.

Lets Start With Something Creepy...

Whenever you scratch the surface of a larger topic it is always accompanied by a thrill of the unknown. About a year ago I got that thrill with Scientology-ology.

Scientology-ology is the study of Scientology and like any real science it has to be conducted with tools, in this case the Internet. For example;

This is Trementina Base a Scientology structure in North-East New Mexico, according to Wikipedia it stores copies of all of L. Ron Hubbard's writing engraved on stainless steel and all his films and recordings in titanium capsules. If you zoom in you can see the two interlocking circles.

This is the symbol for the Church of Spiritual Technology, a fairly tame branch of the Church except when you consider that the CST also hold the copyrights on the estate of L. Ron Hubbard and therefore has the power to sue over what it sees as copyright infringement but the rest of the Internet sees as fair game. Did I mention that CST is the only branch that can have top ranking officers that are not Scientologists? That's right their Lawyers, employed to makes sure that CST doesn't lose its tax exempt status.

Does this sound like baloney? The ranting of a loony ex-Scientologist? (not me, some guy) Here is the article http://www.holysmoke.org/cos/trementina-vault3.htm, I found it on the following blog http://scientology-facts.blogspot.com/ (can blogs cite blogs as a source?) Make way for the future!

http://maps.live.com/?v=2&sp=Point.pxk2p468jkbd_Trementina%20Base___&encType=1.